It’s been a while since I’ve written on a regular basis. This entire year feels like it’s been a cluster fuck.
I’m not sure how many people suffer from Dysthymia- a “persistent depressive disorder which is a continuous long term (chronic) form of depression.” I have suffered from it for years and I used to think, well… that’s just who I am, “a procrastinator who can’t seem to pull it together for more than a month or two at a time.” This became my mental norm years ago even though I had no idea why I felt unmotivated and sad on any given day. It wasn’t until I met my Psychiatrist over 15 years ago that I realized it wasn’t a norm for anyone and I was suffering from a real illness.
My Psychiatrist told me that with long term Anxiety Disorder comes depression and vice versa. Sometimes they aren’t sure what appeared first to set the other Mental health issue in motion.
Through counseling I’ve learned I have been in a low grade depression for years and this probably led to my Generalized Anxiety with Panic Disorder.
Dysthymia can lead to clinical depression which is what I’ve been suffering from for the past 3–4 months. It’s hard to get out of bed, it’s hard to motivate yourself to get anything done, avoidance is extreme, excuses… excuses… when asked to go somewhere because I still try hard to hide it from so many people. It seems like a major feat just to get showered everyday. Try explaining that to someone who’s not informed about depression, that’s when you get the unwanted (please shove your advice where the sun doesn’t shine) advice.
I realize people mean well, most of them do but if you were having a heart attack, they wouldn’t suggest you need pull yourself together, they wouldn’t lay guilt on you and they sure wouldn’t say, “everyone get’s depressed but you really need to pull it together.” Replace the term depressed with a heart attack, diabetes or an asthma attack.