Anxiety, Like Life Is Unpredictable

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out and under control, anxiety doesn’t creep up on you, it attacks you like a lion waiting for it’s prey, you want to run or fly away but the body feels as if it’s frozen in time.

I found out a few months ago that my husband has Pulmonary Hypertension. I wrote a previous article about his diagnosis and how I was able to keep my anxiety at bay because his health is my priority.

I was being optimistic

I had a reprieve from my generalized anxiety disorder for a bit of time because my focus was completely on my husband. What I didn’t realize, I was putting my own health on the back burner and the flame was becoming dimmer. I never noticed that the flame was beginning to flicker.

Pulmonary Hypertension is a serious illness and I honestly believe that my brain went into survival mode on behalf of my husband. I kept reminding myself I had to be strong for him. After hearing the news and watching his health decline, I tried and many times without being aware to ignore the signs that my anxiety was looming in a dark room, ready to pounce on me when I least expected it. My inner most thoughts were pleading thoughts, I pleaded with my brain, with a higher power, with the wind… “Please keep me strong, it wouldn’t be fair to my husband to see me at my worst right now, his…